Poetry

I wish I could tell you how you changed me

I wish you were worthy of knowing it

The glass wall which shields me now

Also keeps me devoid of trust.

Words seem shallow

As if they hold no value

And love is just another word

That artfully slaughters kindness.

I still wonder

Whether I am happy that you left

Or whether I am okay that you lied

I had learnt many lessons

Then why you?

I was, but, vulnerable by choice

But to not just to you.

To give this world a chance.

To patronise my thoughts 

And instead believe

That people were kind.

No, I hold nothing against you!

But only if you weren’t a liar

I could at least respect you

Like others who left.

But I don’t.

I can’t.

For you stirred all those quiet waters within me

With no intentions of rowing through

With no care for the me

Or for the goodness

That you didn’t know you were blessed with.

And I, the forever naive, longed for you.

Not because I longed for love

But because I longed for hope.

~Namita Satija

Poetry

It has been long

Since I uttered that tale.

My eyes are parched

As I know not how now his eyes shine

My ribs shrink with his thoughts

As I know not whether he has moved past

The thoughts of us.

There is a craving,

A deep longing,

To forget, forgive and sink,

In the love that is still alive,

Even after giving it

A grueling torture,

And waiting for its impending death.

But how do I tell

When I don’t have any words

That are yet unsaid.

Just counting on the depth

Of this endless silence.

~Namita Satija

Poetry

Hello World.

Thank you for today. I don’t feel any of my days are anything less than a miracle, and today was so beautiful!

You know I feel being grateful really helps, so I first thanked for today just to keep universe on my side on days like these. ????

Story 1.

So I have an external event planned on Sunday for which I needed approvals from my company to conduct the event at office. We have generally been doing such events and been getting permissions, but this time there were so many roadblocks, and even on some midnights I used to feel anxious about getting the permissions.

I decided to go to the other office to convince our head to give us the approval. I just entered the office and what I see on my right is that man driving out of office! I was almost heartbroken ???? but as always, I tried to keep myself composed. I could not even call him to ask when he would be back because of his seniority. I slowly walked inside and then decided to wait outside his office. His PA wasn’t there either so I was clueless whether I could even get this done today. Nevertheless I waited outside and started doing my work. After about an hour long wait, he came back! I don’t think even if my man would have come in a shining armour at that time, I would have cared to even look at him. He asked me to wait. So I patiently stood outside and then called me after 15mins. He is such a sweet person, he understood my problem and finally gave me the solution that I was struggling with. The length of the event would be a little longer now but rest everything will work perfectly!

Story 2.

If you don’t know how much I love innocent stray dogs, then keep calm, because now you know it. Also I feel easily guilty if I cannot feed the ones that are struggling for food.

Recently, I found 4 puppies who live right on the side of a main road that attracts huge traffic, and is very close to my office. I was so touched. It is different in a locality, where people can feed those tiny puppies, but right on the side of a busy road puts their lives in a lot of jeopardy.

So, after office, I took some eggs and bread slices, and went to feed them, but couldn’t find them anywhere. And eggs smell, so my entire car was full of the smell of the eggs but I couldn’t feed them. I thought I’d probably feed the mother of 3 puppies in the temple that I visit, so I took the eggs to a temple. If you are a from the priest community in India, you’d understand that this counts as a huge irreverent act but I thought Godliness was more about feeding a mother than caring about whether counts as reverence. To my amazement, I could not find any dog on the road that led to the temple, and I was heartbroken. Then while I was in a temple, one of my dogfriend came, and I was ecstatic to see atleast one dog around! I tried to woo him by my words so that he’d come down to the car with me, to eat but he behaved as if I was a total stranger and could not be trusted! To win over his trust, I decided to go back to my car, get the eggs in the temple premises, bait the dog and finally feed him outside. But sometimes your strategies have absolutely no power! I went up, inside the temple with the eggs in my hand, searching for the dog, and he was gone! For 10minutes, I was in the premises of the temple whistling, calling, trying to spread the smell of the eggs in the temple (trust me it felt more ridiculous than it sounds!) but I couldn’t find him. I felt defeated, came back to my car, kept the eggs and the bread, and went up. Voila! The mother of the three puppies was standing right outside! I couldn’t believe my eyes. I asked her to come down with me and she came! Never did I feel more successful in a long time. She ate everything, I went back to the temple, and then came back in the car. The smell of the eggs was still there. But it was the smell of victory!

 

If there is any takeaway from that day, I’d say, things happen, just keep trying. If you are not getting what you want, keep walking if you are tired of running, but don’t stop. It’ll happen anyway. 🙂

Poetry

In my beautiful spring of 2016,

With the birds chirruping,

The flowers blooming,

And the lush green trees,

Making an extravagant sidewalk,

You first came like a fragrant breeze,

But then brought the forest fire

And took away,

Not just the fragrance,

But also my happy spring.

~Namita Satija

Poetry, Uncategorized

Today, again

I looked at his pictures

His smiling face

Yet again

After a few days

And a few months

As a few years pass by

Just to remember

How love tasted

The flaws in love

The lost dizzy evenings

The volcano of feelings

Which ousted with every word

You said to me

Good or bad

Dear or mundane

The song of your voice

And your humming that old song

And how I melted,

Erupted and evaporated

As I sat beside you.

Noticing every movement of your finger

And how it made patterns

On the Steering wheel

As if you hands shed love

As your eyes craved for my gaze

As I made them run

On far off lands

Just to see how far you’d come

To keep them with yourself.

And now, I am far

Very far away from you

But on some dry days

I still look at your pictures

I see you smile

Without me by your side

And that smile still triggers

A volcano in my tiny heart

Shattering some dreams

But leaving at least half of the frame

In which you rest

Your face over another shoulder

Soothing the spur of emotions

And leaving vicarious happiness

Because that’s what I learnt

When you left

To give and To smile

~Namita Satija

 

Poetry, Uncategorized

“If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”
John Steinbeck

What I love about these lines is “not to hurry”. Time and space is created by us, and the sense of urgency is only there if you are struggling to live. If you are flowing with the wave, the wave shall take you without any struggle.

Poetry


I smile everyday
Trying to live in the moment
Forgetting my past
Or lying to myself
Maybe living in denial
Of the moments that existed
That looked so real
Maybe were unreal
I wish they were unreal
So I won’t regret
For that little puppy
Crying for love
I could have touched him
His ears, head and belly
And scratched his neck
Maybe food and drugs were never enough
If only I get another chance
I would touch him
And tell him
That I loved him, and love him
Fought for him, will fight for him
My heart ached for him, still aches for him
His every little bark, for months
Brightened my mood
His wagging tail
Reassured me that I was on the right track
Until they came
And took him away
Away from me
In some slaughter house of sorts
And left in a state
Where he didn’t recognise his name
Let aside me
I wish I could go back in time
And do things for him
I cannot say, I cannot express
I cannot scream, I cannot blame
I can anger, just on myself
Hold myself guilty of a thousand crimes
But that too will not help
I wish I could get him back
That furry little beautiful thing
People said he was sick
I say, he was a fighter of the disease
I hope he is.
I hope he is.
Amen.

Poetry

All the same, everything equal.

Mangoes, apples,

Cherries and strawberries

All to be eaten yet not be you

Remember that you are nothing

Or just remember nothing

All fruits are nothing, the people are nothing

All goods nothing, even memories nothing

Degrees are nothing, his charm is nothing

The beast is nothing, her beauty nothing

The sky is nothing, the moon nothing

Romance is nothing, hatred is nothing

Nothing added to nothing is nothing

Nothing subtracted from nothing is nothing

We live a lie in the middle of nothing

Like a flowery scented gift-wrap

Over a box containing nothing.

~Namita Satija