Poetry, Uncategorized

Today, again

I looked at his pictures

His smiling face

Yet again

After a few days

And a few months

As a few years pass by

Just to remember

How love tasted

The flaws in love

The lost dizzy evenings

The volcano of feelings

Which ousted with every word

You said to me

Good or bad

Dear or mundane

The song of your voice

And your humming that old song

And how I melted,

Erupted and evaporated

As I sat beside you.

Noticing every movement of your finger

And how it made patterns

On the Steering wheel

As if you hands shed love

As your eyes craved for my gaze

As I made them run

On far off lands

Just to see how far you’d come

To keep them with yourself.

And now, I am far

Very far away from you

But on some dry days

I still look at your pictures

I see you smile

Without me by your side

And that smile still triggers

A volcano in my tiny heart

Shattering some dreams

But leaving at least half of the frame

In which you rest

Your face over another shoulder

Soothing the spur of emotions

And leaving vicarious happiness

Because that’s what I learnt

When you left

To give and To smile

~Namita Satija

 

Poetry, Uncategorized

“If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”
John Steinbeck

What I love about these lines is “not to hurry”. Time and space is created by us, and the sense of urgency is only there if you are struggling to live. If you are flowing with the wave, the wave shall take you without any struggle.

Uncategorized

Only the subject of this post is okay, and today I feel completely drenched out. Just like there is wind around the candle but the candle is trying really hard to stay ablaze, I feel like the stubborn candle. I am not completely sure what is happening to me but I’ll try to put it in words for you, and for history. My head feels fraught with information and frustration, so much so that it could implode any moment. My spine is too tired to stand erect. My mind is in a split. To do or to not do, is the question at hand. I don’t think I got a dream for no reason. I just think God likes me to have a hard sandwich for stronger teeth. Don’t really know if that’s a comprehensible analogy, but I really don’t have energy to think about a better one. The flower will bloom if I feed it right was how I was taking life. You do the right things and the right things happen to you. Today, when my beliefs should have been shaken, I feel comfortable because of some strange strong faith. I have no idea where it stems from, but all I know is that no amount of negative self talk is taking it away. I can’t cry because I just can’t, even though the dream that I created is at stake. Maybe nothing is mine, neither the body nor this mind, and that is the reason I am not distressed. Or maybe life has hardened me enough to take in failure. Because now I have a stubborn heart. Maybe my story is different. It had to be full of learnings. And I never wanted a boring life. Maybe this is God’s real plan. Whatever it is, I am taking the shot of failure, of course with a smile, and starting again. I have always given up on people rather quickly because I didn’t want anything from them that they didn’t want to give happily. But I can ask myself for something, right? And probably give her something as well. Because I love her. She is amazing and deserves joy. *narcissism alert!: please don’t fall off your bed reading this*

Uncategorized

Hello Happiness
Are you for real?
Or are you just wearing a mask
With an impending pain?
Come closer
Let me see your pretty face,
Is it make up or are you for real?
Please don’t lie, will you?
I am scared, can’t you see?
Just be friend and no more.
Don’t come closer
Don’t assure me of everything
I know you can’t do.
I have known promises
Of dreams to snug and play
But they play
Not literally from the very start.
You are different, are you?
Don’t make me greedy.
Your love is a gamble
A price too high,
With my resistance too low
I am happy, and content.
And can love you,
Only if you stay forever.
I think you are okay
But still my heart says no.
You will?? Will you?
Are you sure?
I take your yes
with a mighty grain of salt.
Oh you were lying!
I always knew
But wished you were not.
But off that mask,
In the pool of lies
How will you survive?
Living in your skin?
Is it stinking?
Does your soul cry?
In your dreams
Thinking of what all you do?

~Namita Satija

Uncategorized

Imagine you have a jar full of red, blue and transparent jellies. Your favorite colour is red and you don’t want to see the blue jellies. But you can’t remove any jellies. What would you do?

Or if you have a jar full of roses, thorns and air but you only love roses and don’t want to see the thorns. You can’t remove any thorns. What would you do?

There was once a sweet little girl who was pampered by her parents. She always went out with her brother to the park but never came home injured. One day her brother got badly injured while they were playing and came back home crying. She, on the other hand, had a grin on her face. Their mom got really worried and asked, “How did you get hurt? Couldn’t you be careful?” The boy was regretting how he tried to run faster and bruised himself against the metal bar of a swing in the park but that girl very proudly intervened in the discussion and said, “Mom, I didn’t even move!” That girl was me. To avoid falling, playing was a bad idea.

One of my very close friends who is seven years elder to me was one of the most “chaste” person I thought I had ever seen. He never checked out girls and focused on his studies. A girl fell in love with him at work but he obviously decided to get married via the arranged marriage way. Agreeing to his parents and doing what was right was all that mattered to him. He considered himself a perfectionist and there was no room for mistakes. But the sad part is, just after 4 months into their marriage, they could not stay together and the girl left. I was shattered the day he told me this. His life was supposed to be perfect, right?

Do you have a regret?

Have you made a mistake?

In life it is inevitable to live without making mistakes unless you live so cautiously that you might not have lived at all, in which case you fail by default. The path in life is never linear. The will be a lot of twists and turns, highs and lows, speed breakers and long drives. Sometimes you will feel that the road is not ending but that road could be a highway taking you to some far away beautiful location. Some other times the terrain may seem to be full of twists and turns but if there are a lots of twists and turns, you are probably climbing a hill. And on your way, your clothes will be dusted and your vehicle worn out. If you keep looking at the dust on your shoes, you will try not to get dirty again. And if you come out clean what is the whole point of playing? But nobody likes dust, that is the truth, neither me, nor you. Nobody likes mistakes. However small or big they are. So what do we do? Can we stop playing the game of life?

Everyone’s mind is full of thoughts. Some positive of the good deeds that we do denoted by red, some negative by the regrets denoted by blue and the rest neutral or the transparent jellies. Whenever we make a mistake we fill in the box of our mind with blue jellies and since we just filled in blue jellies, those are the only jellies we can see in the jar. And we have regrets and think, OMG, I just have blue jellies but I loved red and feel disappointed. We always want to be good, do good and succeed. But we rant with regrets of making mistakes in our past. But my friends, the good part is that our jars are endless. One action will definitely put some blue jellies in your jar but doesn’t stop you from adding red ones now. To learn the art of making mistakes, acknowledge when you see a blue jelly in your jar, introspect how you got it and make a plan to avoid it next time.

Just check if you are breathing, are you? Then we all can add red jellies in our jar, you still have time. There could also be a time when you think someone else came and added blue jellies in your jar, “How mean, aren’t they?!” But the good part is, you yourself can still add more reds and make the blue ones invisible. Lastly, at times we think that mistakes will make us fall down or we actually fall down after making them but we never know that making those mistakes is actually a part of life’s grander plan, a blessing in disguise.